Grandpa Pants

This year will mark my thirtieth journey around the sun, I bring this up because Happy New Year! I recently bought two pairs of jeans; they’re your run of the mill Levi’s 511s, skinny jeans, except for the extra inch in the waist. Where I normally wear a size 33, I bought a size 34; because I’m getting old of course, and that means getting comfortable!

I was skinny as a child; I never ate much, and played always. I moderately bulked up as a young adult, and toned what I had; now fat people call me skinny and skinny people call me built – I prefer athletically toned. While the slouches of the world remain comfortable, for me, a 6’2 man, slouching is noticeably lackadaisical and personally undesirable. Until recently, some mild discomfort was a normal byproduct of good posture in terms of appearance, now I’m asking for seconds at the dinner table. My purchase simply reflects a need to occasionally lean back in a chair without feeling gas build up, or not immediately change into sweat pants when I walk through my door.

The jeans do ever so slightly fall differently than their predecessors, however the difference is felt more than seen. Although my first pair of 33 x 32 skinny jeans fit well, without stretching like a second layer of skin, maybe what I really needed were a pair of slim fit jeans; maybe I should have asked about a high rise waist version, or maybe I think you’re privileged walking behind me in the first place. I bet the waistline’s journey upward always begins with these small increments, dabbling in the name of comfort, and touching a nipple before you know it. I do expect to gradually gain weight for the next two decades, before losing weight again and withering away until I die. With this kind of foresight, I’m going to make an excellent grandparent!

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